Saturday, November 29, 2008
dear past self, you were wrong. [x] wasn't the one you had to watch out for. possibly because you were aware enough of the possible disaster to be on guard. it's always the ones that you are least expecting that break your heart. try better next time. dear whoever is up there laughing at me, i think i've finally figured it out. this is my punishment, because he's exactly like me. although, really, don't you think this is a bit much? it's not like i was ever trying to hurt anyone intentionally. but then again, neither was he, i don't think. does that make me a narcissist then, falling in love with someone so similar to myself? i'm working out an extended metaphor for this whole mess and if it works out the way i think, it means no happy endings in sight for me. not really that surprising. (at least i still have the music.)
# sing me something soft @
1:19 PM
0 sang
Thursday, November 27, 2008
I don't want to think about you anymore. I don't want to love you anymore.
# sing me something soft @
1:12 AM
0 sang
Thursday, November 20, 2008
I give up. Please just stop being a coward and let me go.
# sing me something soft @
10:12 PM
0 sang
Sunday, November 16, 2008
I am about ready to just give up on you. I'm tired of trying. I'm done going in these circles. If you want me, come and find me. But honestly, I doubt that'll ever happen because you either don't care or you're just a coward. I deserve better.
# sing me something soft @
12:59 PM
0 sang
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Since this has happened on more than one occassion, with more than one person, I feel I am entitled to be angry about this. When I say that you don't care that I'm angry at you and you tell me you do, because you don't like people being mad at you or some variation thereof, that makes me possibly ten times angrier than I was originally. Because that says to me that you don't care that I'm upset, you care that I'm upset with you. As though any person out there in the universe being mad at you is somehow throwing off your cosmic balance or karma or whatnot. When someone is mad at me, I could care less, unless they are someone I actually care about. And I care not because they are mad at me, but because they are someone I actually care about and I care about their feelings. So what is it? Is it male thing? Because all of the people who have ever said this to me have been men. And if it is, am I right about the cosmic balance thing? Does it have something to do with your precious egos? Or do you just not have the balls to admit that you give a damn about my feelings.
# sing me something soft @
4:56 PM
0 sang
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Being reminded that love is just one thing I'm probably never going to have really fucking sucks. This is not in response to anything in particular, just reality creeping up on me again. I hate being lonely. I hate my empty bed and empty arms. Also, I hate the winter time and walking outside to a pitch black sky at 6pm reminded me of what I have to look forward to for the next two months. I want another tattoo. Goddammit.
# sing me something soft @
10:52 PM
0 sang
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