I wrote this almost a year ago. It's strange to see how much has changed and how much has stayed the same.

I don’t do this often and I will tell you why. When I let the words flow and bring out the most raw creative part of me everything else comes with it. It is a Pandora’s box of emotion and memory and yes I’m still holding on to that last little bit of hope that someday, somehow I will get it all sorted out. Just over two months since I lost so much, once again. I’m always losing; I need to keep a better hold on my loved ones. (I’ve collected myself a new family to fill the void, please don’t take them too.) Everyday is a game of strategy. Keeping back a tidal wave. Using the mundane to keep myself in check. Work out a routine, do what has to be done, keep it all together, even though it kills a completely different part of me.